5 Powerful Strategies to Overcome Fear and Worry

Have you encountered these imagined and real stress triggers?

● Do you fear the worst might happen

● Do you view difficulties in your life as insurmountable and permanent

● Do you have a tendency to think the same thing over and over again

● Do you have a need to control the future

● Do you have a need for certainty about what will happen

● Do you lack resources or have a limited capacity to handle a challenge

● Do you perceive a problem to be beyond your control.

We are creatures of habit; we crave stability and certainty. Balanced against this is the necessity to venture out of one’s comfort zone. All of us have an appetite for risk that sits somewhere on a sliding scale between these two poles. While some people get energized by branching out and trying something new, others would rather not risk the anxiety that comes with the unknown.

When you feel stressed, your appetite for risk decreases; you are more likely to make pessimistic predictions about the future as a means of protecting yourself from the uncertainty you feel. Even if positive developments occur, you discount them as short-lived. You make dire forecasts about the future without offering any evidence. These fears become intertwined with the reality of the situation to the point that fear and reality become indistinguishable.

Stress short-circuits your ability to think positively about the future and smothers any appetite for risk. While the resilient person is not overly optimistic, nor do they conjure up imagined or inflated adversity. In general, they see things more objectively and thus take a more balanced approach to risk.

Stress can be divided into two categories:

1.   Based on an actual event – stressor is tangible

2.  Based on an imagined event – stressor has not occurred yet

No one can see the future, and yet that doesn’t stop people from imagining all the possible outcomes of a particular choice or path they might take. Yet these imaginings are only possibilities, and all people will have some measure of uncertainty in their lives. The lower your tolerance for uncertainty, the more likely you are to experience stress.

If you are prone to stress you often get stuck in negative, self-defeating mental cycles resulting in cognitive biases. You inaccurately perceive the severity of a given situation and end up magnifying just about everything in your mind. You have a habit of seeing and anticipating the worst possible outcomes of most situations, regardless of how remote those possibilities are. However, someone who is more resilient stays grounded in reality and the most likely consequences of a stressful situation. They usually avoid making extreme speculations, instead forecasting based on the average possibilities. 

If you are a person who is prone to stress:

• You have an elaborate imagination that makes even inconsequential events seem to have far-reaching consequences. 

• You have difficulty differentiating between substantial and insignificant occurrences.

• You struggle to assess the intensity and magnitude of the issue at hand.

• You can’t accurately predict the probability of outcomes.

Certain people are more prone to negative thinking than others. Previously, it was thought that this proclivity was primarily caused by a chemical imbalance that could be treated with medication. In recent years, however, the psychological component of this tendency has been given more attention. Modern scientific research has shown that medicine does not appreciably alleviate such inclinations.

Experiences such as multiple and long-term adversity and trauma can alter healthy thinking patterns and increase vulnerability to stress, causing hypervigilance and intolerance for uncertainty. Limited experiences during childhood and certain parenting styles could also have an impact on a person’s thinking patterns and vulnerability to stress. Finally, long-term exposure to stress can make a person hypersensitive, meaning even small things can set off a stress response.

When you are under pressure your focus naturally shifts inwards. This is effectively a break from the reality of the here and now, a form of dissociation. This detachment might provide some temporary solace, however, in the long run, it only serves to amplify your anxiety as you inwardly ruminate on hypothetical scenarios that you hope never materialize.

You get caught up in “what if” thoughts, often fixating on the worst possible outcomes: what if I had done things differently, what if my son is injured, what if this mole is cancerous, what if my boss doesn't like my work and I get fired, what if I can't pay the mortgage, what if my husband no longer loves me? Preoccupied with doomsday scenarios, you then begin to formulate hypothetical responses to these anticipated problems. The mind has magnified the imagined future outcomes to the point that they appear to be real events, yet the problems you imagine may not ever even occur.

Stress largely depends on your perception of danger or threat, regardless of how safe or unsafe the reality is. Even in the absence of an actual threat, when your mind perceives a situation or a challenge to be threating in one way or another, you become stressed.

For example, the experience of turbulence on a plane can be highly stressful to an individual who perceives the incident as dangerous. The same experience might be insignificant to another person if he recognizes that the plane is only passing through clouds and it is not a real threat – the experience may even become exciting. Yet the moment you start feeling threatened, your body automatically responds. It does not distinguish between an actual and an imaginary event.

Stress is for the most part a result of overthinking. When it comes down to it, there is always a means to deal with an actual event, but there is no such thing as a solution to an imagined event since it hasn't occurred. While it's helpful to be able to anticipate potential problems and prepare for them, fretting as if the worst has already happened is counterproductive. The dread itself does greater harm than the "threat" that is being feared. If anything turns out to be as bad as you fear, it is best to deal with it when it happens and spare yourself of the needless anticipatory suffering.

It is natural to feel concerned about a challenging situation, but when that concern evolves into outright fear, it may become a source of unnecessary stress. Being concerned is important as it prompts you to confront your problems, however worry is counterproductive. Yet the line between concern and worry is very fine, so we have to tread carefully to avoid crossing over into anxiety.

So how can you break this cycle of fear and negative thinking?

5 Strategies to balance your thinking

1.  Not every battle is worth fighting:  You have seen that the human mind sometimes has difficulty telling reality from fiction. Not everything you think is accurate. It is critical to recognize that you and your thoughts are not one, and sometimes your thoughts can be completely off base. This can happen when you get caught up in a thought spiral, where one thought triggers a chain of negative thoughts, until you become overwhelmed with stress. By keeping your brain and your thoughts in distinct containers, you can choose the most productive thoughts, rather than letting your negative thinking drive your behavior.

The key to keeping your thoughts from running the show is to remind yourself that you — not your thoughts — are in the driver's seat. You can't keep turning your head to hear the person in the back whenever they talk. When negative or stress-inducing thoughts arise, simply observe your thoughts without judgment. Just acknowledge them and say, "I'm simply having a thought." You need not resist, judge, or run away from these thoughts; rather, simply observe them. As you see that they are only thoughts and nothing more, they will begin to dissolve, and you will feel a gradual release from them.

This process will enable you to be aware of your thought processes and keep them at a distance, so you are not overly consumed. In essence, it helps you to manage your thoughts and worries rather than being controlled by them. When you catch yourself in a thought spiral or a cycle of negative thoughts, get into the habit of asking yourself, “Is this genuinely concerning, or is it my vulnerability to stress that makes me think this way?” Remember, your mind’s job is to think, but that does not mean you have to believe that every thought will come true. 

2. Get evidence: The stress-prone mind disproportionately focuses on negative thoughts, mistaking them for imminent danger when they are, in fact, just thoughts. Why should you assume that things will go wrong without evidence for this conclusion? This anticipation of disaster somewhere in the future is an unnecessary source of tension, causing you to miss out on the simple joys of life. Instead, think of what could go right. Draw the line rather than letting your mind wander around with such negative thoughts. Or else, before you know it, you will lose track of reality and anxiety will take over.

3. Share your concern with others: Do you recognize yourself in the list below? If so, you should make a particular effort to reach out to people.

·   You feel ashamed to ask for help

·   You think your cause is not valid

·   You think you’re not worthy of help

·   You are afraid you’ll be judged and considered weak

·   Your concerns and experiences have been minimized in the past

·   You have been told you need to be self-reliant

·   You think no one will be able to provide the help or advice you need.

You have seen that stress develops when you believe that you are unable to cope with a certain situation. When you are up against something you can't control, you may not be able to find the answers you need within yourself. If you feel stuck, that is an indication that it's time to seek out the insights of others.

This can include people who are close to you, books, therapists, and the internet, along with other external resources. The key is to go outside of yourself for solutions, because within yourself you will likely only find repetitious thoughts. However, when you talk about your concerns with other people, you may quickly find a solution, or even discover that your fears are unfounded.  

4. It doesn’t always have to feel good: Accept the simple yet difficult reality that life has challenges. Denying this truth will only cause more agony and can even be dangerous. If your attitude is such that you think you must be “happy” all the time, then when a problem arises, you can easily lean into avoidance behavior. Thus, assess your tendencies, and re-evaluate your expectations. When negative emotions arise in response to adversity and challenge, understand that it is okay to have them. The problem is when you stay in such a state for too long and overidentify with the problem. You can take the time and consciously process your emotions; however, once you have processed, adjust your perspective and keep moving forward.

5. You are bigger than the problem:  Self-efficacy refers to your belief in your abilities to meet a challenge ahead of you or achieve a specific task. When faced with a problem, a resilient person thinks from a place of “I can do this”. They believe they have the capacity to solve the problem. If you are vulnerable to stress, however, you will usually predict the worst-case scenario. Your thoughts will tell you, “The worst is about to happen; it will be so bad that I won’t be able to cope with it. I don’t have the resources or mental capacity to handle the problem I am faced with.”

Thus, when a problem arises, your tendency might be to think you can’t handle it, and the result, predictably, is that you feel stressed. But, if you think about it, the issue is not that you are not capable of solving the problem, but that you think you “can’t” solve it. How about trying to solve it first, before making such conclusions? Don’t underestimate your capacity without trying.

As you learn to recognize common thinking errors and reframe your thought patterns to stress, you will gain confidence in your ability to handle challenges. This stance will help you to fear less and stress less when you encounter problems. You may even begin to uncover that problems could be opportunities. Before concluding that you can’t handle a challenge, reframe your thoughts to, “What can I do to solve the problem.”

Many stress-prone people only focus on their weaknesses, mistakes or what they have done wrong. But that’s only ever half the truth, because there are many occasions where you have triumphed and overcome challenges, made the right decisions, and acted wisely — some are just more obvious than others. So, don’t discount your previous accomplishments. Don’t just see the failure or negatives. By considering all sides, you can reflect more objectively.

You can learn to break the unhealthy thinking habits you have developed over time and find inner peace and mental strength.

To learn more about worry, fear and resilience, you may order my book. Now available on Amazon.

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